I’m going to start with an apology.
I’ve been slack with the blog recently. There’s been various reasons, one being I was shook to the core when a bobby was investigated and criticised over his writing. I found something I really enjoyed doing and suddenly I felt like I wasn’t allowed to do that.
Where do we stand when we engage with the public? We’re told to engage with you, the members of the public that want to engage with us. We’re told to engage with the members of the public who don’t want to be engaged by us, that’s like pissing in the wind sometimes but still we persist. But engaging sometimes lands us in trouble, as in the bobby’s case.
If we don’t engage with you, we’re told we’re unapproachable or regimented. It’s Mission Impossible and it’s a no win situation.
So here I am….engaging with you, my amazing reader. Thank you for your patience. I would have abandoned me a long time ago and I know some have.
I am PC Fuzz.
The snow continued to fall, big flakes of silence hit the already lightly dusted tarmac outside. It had been falling all afternoon but had continued to get heavier as the day went on. I checked my Met Office app on my phone and it showed a big blanket directly above me which was not budging for my entire night shift….marvellous.
It was 21.20hrs and I checked myself in the mirror before squirting a bit of aftershave and walking out the door wrapped in my best winter gear. I felt a bit like the marshmallow man out of Ghostbusters as I waddled down the drive but it was a necessity, the thermometer in the car showed a chilly -5C.
There’s something I love about snow falling. It has a beautiful silence to it that mutes the entire world around you. It calms everybody, it slows everybody down. Life runs a little slower and it’s peaceful. I love the crisp cold air that feels like it’s cleaning your lungs. I cleared my car and drove into work.
As I pulled on my heavy stabbie and clipped on my belt, I couldn’t help but feel like it was going to be a ‘Q’ one. Please don’t ever say the entire word, you know…q u i e t. God forbid, the person who utters those immortal words, all hell will rain down on them creating a world of havoc and chaos.
I walked out of the locker room and into my oppo for the night, Stu.
“alright Stu?” I asked, “yer, fine son, should be a quiet one tonight with all this snow?”
I glared at him, he knew exactly what he’d done, I silently called him something and made a hand gesture as I walked in front of him and out into the yard. I could hear him chuckling, he knew exactly what he said and he knew it was going to wind me up.
I walked into the office and grabbed a couple of mugs spooning some coffee into them making us both a brew for briefing. We sat down with the rest of the team. It’s a scene of wonderment as 20 bobbies all face forward looking at a load of faces staring back at you as the reasons for them coming to our attention are read out. VRM’s of cars that have been nicked or are of interest to us are also read out along with any other significant event or information for the shift ahead. Bobbies frantically writing down useful info relevant to them. Then the Sarge turns and faces us all, “guys, please keep in the forefront of your mind all night your safety please. It shouldn’t be too busy with all this snow but you never know”
I could have literally face palmed myself. Groans let rip across the briefing room as pens and bits of paper were thrown at the Sarge who stood there smiling with his hands in the air as if to motion “what did I say?”.
“Right you ‘oribble facking lot, get to it, get out of my briefing room” boomed the Gaffer clapping his hands.
We all made our way out, the last few balls of paper bouncing off the Sarge as we filtered out grabbing the panda keys from the lates crew. Stu and I grabbed some keys and made our way to the Taser Armoury to sign out our yellow companions for the night. The crackle of the blue arc signifying a good connection was our last check as we loaded them up and holstered them away. General chit chat flowed between us both and we finished our coffee, checked our emails and made our way out.
The snow was relentless, it was covering the roads thick and fast as the last of the late night office workers headed home as we pulled out of the yard into the night. I looked out of the window and gazed upwards at the hypnotising motion of the flakes. I’d handed Stu the keys, it’s nice to sit in the passenger seat every now and again. Besides…it was snowing, it was too much like hard work competing with the silly sods who didn’t have a clue how to negotiate snow. The radio was eerily silent, not a peep from anyone, “your radio working mate?” I asked. “dunno, not heard anything from it since I turned it on” Stu replied.
I pushed the button on my radio, “Echo Whisky 4-5, radio check please”, “good signal Fuzz, good evening” Deb replied. There was our answer, it was just a little bit on the Q side.
The hours trickled by and the clock watching became more regular. We’d run out of conversation, but it wasn’t a problem, Stu was a good mate of mine and we didn’t need conversation to make it comfortable. He’s the loudest snorer in the world and the only person I know that can fall asleep as soon as he shuts his eyes. He also snores when he’s awake, it’s quite a skill. I leaned back and peeled open another can of energy drink. It was a vain attempt at staying awake. My eyes began to sting, they felt dry. I gave them a rub and opened the window for a bit to let in some cold air.
Suddenly the radio came to life with Deb’s voice, “Echo Whisky 4-5, immediate please, burglary in progress, 45 New Hall Road. Caller reports two males seen in the back garden trying door handles.” “En-route Deb, any more info? Can we have a dog please?”, “Not much info, two males in dark clothing in the back garden, dog en-route from HQ” Deb responded.
I lit up the car with blues but ignored the two tones for now. I looked at Stu, his eyes straining to concentrate through the snow. Units from all over the city were acknowledging the call and were making the area. The roads were dead, it was now 0300hrs and the life of a night shift copper was in true flow as we made our way to a caller who needed us.
Units started announcing their arrival at the address. “Echo Whisky 7-5, we’re on scene, had a look around, no sign of anyone, we’ll stay for a while longer and speak with the caller.”
Units started clearing themselves from the job immediately and resuming normal patrol, not us. Stu had a glint in his eye. “what you got up your sleeve?” I asked. “Let’s go for a drive” he responded. We zipped down a side road and onto a very narrow lane. As we drove down, full beams on the car illuminating everything, two bodies were suddenly lit up. They were walking towards us, hands in their pockets, squinting from the lights in their eyes. I smiled to myself, “ey up, who do we have here?”
Dressed all in dark clothing and aged around 21, they were certainly suspicious looking. We were no more than half a mile from the location. We stopped the car and spoke with the two lads.
“Evening lads, what you been up to?”
“Just on our way home from a birds house, you know, this and that” and with that he winked and gave a cocky smile and started to walk off. I put my arm out to stop them in their tracks. “can’t let you go just yet mate, you see, you fit the description of two lads who have just tried to break into a house”
I recognised one of the faces, I just couldn’t put a name to the face. “why do I know you?” I asked the ginger topped lad. “you locked me up a few months ago for a robbery, do you not remember?” he replied cockily. “no chap, you can’t have been that important for me to remember?” I fired back.
This wannabe bad boy was suddenly quiet again. We’d told control of our location and another unit trundled by. I put one of them in their van whilst they were detained and Stu indicated to me that he’d be back in a sec. He got out his torch and pinned the beam to the floor where their footprints were. Beautiful crisp virgin snow surrounded these footprints as Stu went wandering off. I knew exactly what he was doing.
The lads patience who was still stood outside was starting to thin, the inevitable “how much longer” and “I aint done nuffing” speeches started flowing. I sat him in our vehicle to shut him up for a bit longer. I got onto Stu on the radio, “good timing” he said, “they can come in for attempt burglary mate, I’ve followed the footprints right back to the bloody back garden of the caller!” “good work son” I responded. “get your arse back here, I’ll go break the good news”.
I opened the back of the van and told the ginger top, “you’re nicked mate, attempt burglary”. No reply came after the caution. I went back to our vehicle and opened the back door where our lad was now raging, “what the fuck you doing, I told you I aint done nuffing, you can’t keep me ‘ere” he politely declared. “erm….you’re under arrest mate, attempt burglary, seems we can’t keep you here, we need to get you down to the station.”. I reached down to apply handcuffs to him taking hold of his arm. Snapping it back, he kicked out at me pushing me away as his foot connected with my thigh causing a shooting pain. It was just me and him, the other unit had cleared off with the other prisoner. He went to do one out of the car, I jolted forwards reaching for my taser as I forced the toe of my boot into his knee cap to stop him. Pulling it out of its holster, I took aim and flicked off the safety pointing it at him, the red dot creating a perfect target on his chest. “stay where you are, do not move, 50,000 volts, red dot on your chest” I ordered. He looked down and immediately calmed down as I applied handcuffs to him. Out of nowhere Stu popped up. “alright mate?” he asked. “nothing that couldn’t be sorted by a red dot” I replied. “and a kick to the knee you wanker” the prisoner responded. I walked around to the other side of the car and got in the back with him showing Stu the lovely wet muddy footprint on my leg. He just smiled as he got in the front shaking his head.
“As an apology chap, I’ve got a room sorted for you, it’s got en-suite facilities and a room service menu, plus the best hot chocolate you could wish for.”
No reply came the answer.
Unfortunately, the justice system couldn’t find enough evidence to charge the two lads so they were released from custody the following day. Hey, they come, they go.
Until next time.